It’s Not Night - Chapter 190.1

She was starting to get a little angry. Andra couldn’t understand why Dustin was behaving this way. He had always told her how much he loved her, so why was he now trying to push her away?

He thought he was making her unhappy? Was he sending her away because he believed he was causing her trouble?

That made no sense.

Andra shook her head. If that were the reason for their separation, they shouldn’t have started at all. Everyone knew the complexities between the Avelins and the Airaks, yet the very people involved seemed to be ignoring that reality.

From the moment Andra had decided to be with Dustin, she had been prepared for everything that might come their way. While facing the harsh reality was indeed overwhelming, she had never considered giving up on him. Yet here was Dustin, contemplating letting her go.

“Then tell me a proper reason. I’ve said I’d stay by your side. Why are you trying to send me away? There’s more to it, right? You wouldn’t just give up on me without a valid reason. Tell me, Dustin. What made you think this way?”

Dustin swallowed hard as he looked up at her blue eyes, as if she truly understood him. If he let down his guard even a little, it felt like it would unleash tears. The truth was, he hadn’t wanted this situation either.

Finally, Dustin sat down heavily on the couch, looking down as he spoke.

“I honestly don’t know.”

“……What?”

“To be honest, I don’t understand why you love me.”

As he rubbed his face with both hands, Dustin continued with a strained and dry voice.

“No matter how I think about it, I feel so insignificant and inadequate. I’ve made so many mistakes and caused you pain. I just don’t understand why you accept and love me.”

“……Dustin.”

“At first, when you told me you loved me, it felt like I had the world. But as time went on, it became harder to understand why you love me. I can’t even love myself… so how can you possibly love me?”

If Dustin’s large frame appeared smaller in that moment, it was surely just a trick of perception. Andra was at a loss for words, stunned by his unexpected admission. He spoke hesitantly, looking clearly tormented.

“Andra, I’m nothing compared to you. During all those long years I waited for you, I felt that deeply. That’s why I can’t shake the thought that being with me will only bring you unhappiness.”

“……That’s not true, Dustin. It’s not.”

“No, Andra… It’s still the same. Look at the situation we’re in. You… can live well without me; you can be happy without me. This situation has come about because of me. I’ve been selfish beyond my means.”

“Who says that? Who…?”

Dustin, please. Don’t think that way. As she watched the man shrink before her, Andra shook her head. Why does he feel this way? Why…

“I… I just want you to be happy. Your brother is right. I’m pathetic compared to you. If I’m by your side, Andra, you’ll be unhappy. I can bear the punishment alone; I don’t want to drag you into it.”

“……Who says I’ll be unhappy? Who decided that I’d be unhappy!”

Finally, Andra yelled at the man who kept thinking so negatively. As a result, Dustin turned his head toward her.

“Don’t think for me, Dustin Airak. I know my happiness well. Who says I’ll be unhappy? I’m here because being with you makes me happy. I’m happy because I love you, and that’s why I came to the South with you. But why are you…?”

She was choked up. Andra struggled to find words, fearing that tears would flow uncontrollably. She didn’t know how to confirm her love for Dustin or calm his anxieties.

She felt a mix of pity and anger toward him. He couldn’t trust her right now, and that’s why he doubted her love and pushed her away. He was scared and afraid.

Just like when he jumped into the lava.