Try Begging - Chapter 159.2

Leon replaced his shattered blind belief with another conviction.

She was innocent.

They were enemies then, and she believed in the cause of the rebels. It wasn’t her fault. The blame lay with those who deceived her.

One day, when Grace Riddle stood at the divine tribunal separating heaven and hell, the most fervent advocate for her would be Leon Winston—once her enemy, adversary, and forsaken lover. It was a choice typical of Winston, driven only by his desires.

She hasn’t wronged anyone…

“I will forgive what you did to me.”

Fool.

Leon wanted to cut out his own tongue for uttering such nonsense during their conversation.

Such an arrogant thing to say. There was nothing to forgive, how outrageous it must have sounded. With so much to repent for, he had apologized before even understanding; no wonder she couldn’t trust him.

Looking down at Angela Riddle’s diary on the table, Leon massaged his throbbing temples.

He had been utterly deluded. He didn’t hesitate to degrade the dog as nothing more than a prostitute, a slave, and a dog. It was because of an implicit assumption that she was born into the privileges of the revolutionary army.

But she had been exploited and used like a dog all her life.

“You’re now just a dog.”

D*mn it. The memory of treating her like a dog replayed in his mind, and a painful groan escaped through his clenched teeth.

‘No, I didn’t mean to say those terrible things to use you.’

I was scared of how you, my enemy, my adversary, could shake me without even trying. Terrified of how effortlessly you could control me, I spoke without thinking, trying to grasp control.

[ “The monsters weren’t the children. It was them.” ]

Looking at the page detailing the rebels’ intentions for using the woman as one of their own, Leon recalled the hostile expression she had when she returned to Chesterfield. At that moment, Leon Winston’s name must have also been on the long list of those she wished to send to hell.

No, he never knew this. Not at all.

Leon spilled a belated explanation to a woman he could no longer reach. It was undeniable that he saw her as a means to an end, but he was different from those monsters. He never saw her merely as a tool.

For him, who had achieved everything from revenge to social success, the current Grace Riddell was a woman without utility. And he had been someone who only awaited her to become useless. Thus, as his wish had rendered her purpose as a tool obsolete, she had become purely an objective for him.

But now, he was lost without knowing where that destination lies.

After wandering around, he found himself drawn to the only place associated with her. The bed she used to sleep in.

Whether at dawn or late at night, when he opened the door of the torture chamber, she was always lying there, shrouded in darkness with only a blanket. He wanted to feel her gaze, so he lay in the same spot. Yet, all he felt was her loneliness.

Staring up at the pitch-black ceiling, Leon finally asked the image of the woman in his mind.

How lonely were you here?

In this place where no one saved you, where no one believed you.

“…Grace.”

He tried to call out the name that he couldn’t easily say as guilt had always stifled in his throat, but its owner couldn’t hear it. When the woman was truly before him, every time he wanted to call her name, guilt chastised him in his father’s voice.

‘You must hate that name.’

He wanted her out. Since love wasn’t allowed, to hate her was his excuse. So, he tried to possess, confine, control, and brainwash her.

Leon’s only difference from the Blachard demons was his motive. They were the devil all the same.

The twisted desire transformed entirely during their brief honeymoon. It was nothing but deception. The woman began to mimic love, which he found so detestable that he thought he wanted to let her experience it, too. He generously offered the same fake love.

He didn’t understand what love was. He still didn’t know where exactly to draw the line for the emotions that had accumulated over decades and to define it as love.

But now he knew one thing for certain.

What he had given wasn’t fake.

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