This BL Novel Is Ruined Now - Chapter 169

BLR has been completely translated on Patreon

Chapter 169

Translator: Yonnee

RP: Haebaragi_syk

—

And again, back to the present.

“Did you go to the slums alone?”

Reina bit her lower lip as she heard the faint hint of misery in his voice.

‘…You heard that I went with Elijah.’

This wasn’t explicitly said, but Reina could tell. It was clear from just how, far from affectionate, strained Ethan’s smile was.

As if admitting to a grave sin, Reina bowed her head and struggled to utter the words.

“…I happened to run into Elijah there.”

Her gaze dropped to the ground.

The silence between them was thick and oppressive, as if everything around them had died.

She saw her own reflection from Ethan’s polished shoes, and in front of them, her own shoes were covered with a thin layer of dust.

Their shoes clearly demonstrated the difference in their personalities. Even those were like rocks, unmoving. Only the warmth that flowed from their clasped hands served as a reminder that the world continued to move around them.

It was Ethan who broke the silence.

“Reina.”

A small sigh, barely audible, echoed lightly above her forehead. Reina, her heart soaked in apology, raised her chin right after she heard the sigh.

Ethan’s enigmatic expression seemed to be a mix of anger, sadness, and disappointment.

When she finally met his gaze, a stinging sensation stirred near his heart.

Ah… in the end, she hurt him. She made him feel pain.

“…I’m sorry, Ethan.”

Ethan knew, too, what feelings Elijah had for Reina. It’s impossible not to know when Elijah made it quite clear when they had been at Launcer.

But in the midst of all this, Ethan found out that Elijah had gone to the slums with her…

‘And I didn’t even inform Ethan of this visit at all…’

When she reached that point, her fingers felt numb, as if she was awash with what Ethan would have felt. Ultimately, there was only one thing she could say now.

“I’m sorry for not telling you…”

A heartfelt apology.

This was the only sincerity Reina could offer.

“I’m really… really sorry, Ethan. I should have been the one to bring it up first.”

In response to the successive apologies, the other briefly pursed his lips. Then, he turned his head away from his lover’s gaze.

“Haaa…”

A slightly longer sigh escaped his lips than before. His breath, lighter than a feather, weighed heavily on Reina’s heart as though it was a thousand pounds.

“Reina.”

This was the second time. He repeated her name, and that’s all he seemed capable of at the moment. He was holding back, suppressing the words threatening to explode— and suppressing them even more.

She remained silent, as if she would listen to whatever he had to say. Then he slowly parted his lips, beginning to express his feelings.

“I… I can do everything you want.”

“……”

“Reina, your request not to harm the people you care about, your request not to take lives lightly, no matter how unpleasant it is for me, I will try to protect them all. However…”

As he slowly confessed his feelings, he paused for a moment, as if trying to purify the harsh words that wanted to burst forth.

After calming his throbbing heart for a moment, he continued.

“However, I honestly don’t have the confidence… to let someone with impure intentions towards the woman I love go free.”

“……”

From my fingertips to my heart, she felt completely numb, and a suffocating feeling engulfed her.

There was nothing she had done right, and Ethan was the wronged party, so… Why were her own eyes welling up, without any shame?

“I’m sorry, Ethan… I’m really sorry.”

Apologies were repeated over and over again.

She wanted to say more, but she was afraid that any words beyond “I’m sorry” would become excuses that would thwart his justified anger.

So, she simply repeated the words ‘I’m sorry’ endlessly.

“I was wrong. I’m really sorry…”

Without any response, Ethan turned his head after briefly running his tongue along his lips. He gripped her small hand firmly, as if trying to convey something. But ultimately, he said nothing.

“I’m sorry, Ethan…”

Maintaining the silence, it took quite some time for him to turn his gaze back to meet her lavender eyes. His wounded heart was fully visible within his dark irises.

“Truthfully, Reina, it hurt terribly.”

“……”

“It felt like you couldn’t be satisfied with just me. As if the reason you’re keeping Elijah by your side is because I am an inadequate lover… That’s why I got angry.”

“Ethan… That can’t be true at all. I just—”

As she attempted to continue her explanation, she couldn’t finish her sentence and squeezed her eyes shut.

“…I’m so sorry, Ethan. I’m really sorry for making you feel that way.”

Using the excuse of looking after the people around her, she ended up becoming an inadequate lover herself.

* * *

After that day when Reina had spat out only vain apologies to Ethan, he didn’t initiate conversations with her anymore. It seemed like he didn’t want to deal with his lover while he was still angry.

Or maybe it was like an implicit protest, demanding that she clear up things with Elijah.

“Haa… What should I do with Elijah? This is driving me crazy.”

Sorting things out Elijah by any means was the right thing to do. But it was turning out to be more difficult than she thought.

“More than anything else, Elijah hasn’t even confessed yet…”

Furthermore, she had already once demanded that he maintain the boundary between the two of them.

“It already seems like he’s trying to maintain these boundaries, so how can I push him away here…”

But she could see it from Ethan’s perspective. It was only natural for his blood to boil.

“If I look at it from his point of view, I’m seriously a bad person.”

If Ethan had a close friend who had a crush on him and he said, ‘I can’t push her away, she’s a long-time friend, I’m sorry, Reina,’ what would she have done?