My Husband Hates Me, But He Lost His Memories - Chapter 12.1

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Chapter 12.1

Translator: Yonnee

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When someone comes and shares a special moment with you, it’s frightening. This preciousness, this uniqueness—such words like responsibility and anxiety also came with it.

I wasn’t confident that I could carry this weight. Even more so because it was with Theodore Valentino.

He was someone who had a rightful reason to hate me. It wouldn’t be strange if he’d kill me at any given time.

My family destroyed everything precious to him. Even if it’s not my fault, as long as the name Everett followed me, it was like a shackle that I could not be free from.

That’s why it’s extremely reasonable, that Theodore Everett hates Lily Everett. The opposite was impossible.

So, all that’s left is despair.

As soon as I recognized my own feelings—that they would not reciprocated, that I should not let them grow even further—I tried to avoid and deny it all. I was afraid enough that I hid my own heart.

But feelings like these were like a timebomb. Some emotions were just harder to hide compared to anger. I realized that only now.

“……”

I could hear Theodore’s even breathing as his eyes were closed. As one cheek was leaning against the palm of my hand, his dark, long eyelashes glistened with tears.

I gave up on acting how I should and just acted the way I wanted. I wiped away his tears because I wanted to wipe them away, not because someone else asked. I embraced him because I wanted to embrace him.

I stroked his fine black hair and patted his back that was so wide compared to my hand. My mind was empty. I focused on only his clear heartbeat.

…And I hoped that this moment would last forever.

But of course, a single moment would be broken. Nothing lasts forever. As if to laugh at my foolish hope, this dream-like moment soon ended.

Theodore, who was still trembling in my arms, suddenly flinched. I felt his body stiffening. And immediately, he pushed me away roughly.

I almost fell back with the chair, but I managed to stay in my seat. I stared blankly at Theodore, who took two steps back with an incredulous look on his face.

His eyes seemed to express that he had just woken up from a dream. No, to be exact, he became sober.

The ferocious glare in his blue eyes became fiercer as his shock grew, and soon, his expression became distorted. With his reaction, I could read the sense of shame he was feeling.

“What did I…”

“……”

Muttering with a tense voice, Theodore looked around, then he bowed his head with his face in one hand.

He could hardly calm down as he walked to the other side of the room. Then, while his face was still buried in his hands, he looked up to stare at me. Those blue eyes peering through his fingers seemed to be reproaching me.

That gaze made me feel that this situation was unfair. It was him who came here first. Those words bubbled up in my throat, but I couldn’t utter them out loud.

“…crazy.”

Theodore, who muttered under his breath, sighed and lowered his hand. When his shock disappeared, what was left in his expression was the despair that took over without fail. It was the same sadness that had shaken my heart when he collapsed in the garden at dawn, and just now when he came here drunk.

So my heart was swayed once again. Even though I know it’s not the time, now, I can’t control it anymore…

Ah, I hate this so much.

I feel like I’m not myself. The beating of my heart was not my own. I felt indescribably vulnerable, and I trembled helplessly even with only short breaths.

I knew it would be like this. I tried hard to turn a blind eye to it, but I knew that these feelings would break me down like this. And at the end of it, even though there was despair, I would still take a step forward and accept it even deeper though I knew it was poison. Now, I…

…What will happen to me.

If I can’t turn a blind eye to it anymore.

“I made a mistake.”

“……”

“This will never happen again.”

He was about to turn away—my body moved reflexively. Regardless of my will, I stopped him.

Hope always makes one weak.

However, it was human nature to cling to such weak hope. Even though they knew that their despair would deepen as the embers died down, they could not let go of their lingering desire to live and be happy. So, I… This is…

“Don’t… go…”

“……”

“Please don’t go…”

And lastly, it was to wish for salvation. This was an impulse that would never happen again in my life. If he could hold my hand here, if he could listen to my past and understand me, if he could believe that I was on his side—I will finally be able to change. Truly, I would be able to live and express myself fully.