Taking Care of My Husband in a Tragic Novel - Chapter 60

* * *‘Huuhk, gasp, st, stop, ahhk!’

I didn’t even know how much time had passed. I could only tell that days had passed through the light and darkness intersecting through the window. I took the drug only the first time and didn’t take it after that, so the medicinal effect disappeared immediately, but he held me and hugged me constantly without tire.

And now, I was lying on my stomach like a dog, burying my face in the bed, receiving him from behind. But now it was the limit. I had a gut feeling that my heart was racing to the end. Bleon still didn’t seem to notice the change in me, as it was just for pleasure that I was breathing heavily. But now, the gasps leaked out of my mouth more often than the thick moans.

‘Huhk, Are you having a hard time, Wife?’

‘Ah, huk, huuk, aahh.’

Bleon’s manhood escaped from the inside as I breathed heavily, unable to speak properly. I didn’t even think about the end. His pillar, which had been pounding inside me before he took it out, was still filling my insides tight. And my prediction was right. He lifted me up and, had me face him, thrust the genitals down into my opening.

‘Haahng! Hu-ohk, huuk, nngh.’

‘Wife…’

It was then. Bleon, who was moving my waist violently, was about to kiss my lips.

‘Haack, no, no! Huuhk, air, air…’

Even now, I’m panting like this, but if I kissed him, I knew I’d die like this. I shook my head to and fro, desperately trying to avoid his lips. But as he thought it was a rejection for him, Bleon’s eyes sank low for an instant, then grabbed my chin and poured kisses on me.

‘Mmph.’

I was out of breath. I slapped him in the chest telling him to stop. But this time, he held my hands tightly and wouldn’t let go.

Ahh, I didn’t want this. I didn’t want this kind of death… I just wanted to die quietly and secretly, but I didn’t want to die right in front of him. No. If I die like this, he might forget me sooner. He might forget about a woman like this right away and be able to live his life properly this time around.

Maybe this was my last chance to leave his mind completely. With this thought, I had to do something. So, after I cleared my head and made up my mind, I started to move my body, which had been passive the whole time.

As he scratched the roof of my mouth with his tongue, which had been busy running away, I felt a slight loss of strength in Bleon’s grip. I opened my eyes and pulled out my hands and pushed his chest back. I guess he understood what I was doing, Bleon’s body was pushed easily and he laid his back on the bed.

‘Fine. Huuk, let’s do this until the end. It ends when someone dies right? Huuhk.’

‘Huhtt, Wife… Right. We will die together.’

‘No. Haa, only you will die.’

I slowly climbed up, stroking his body from the side. I placed a hand on his left chest and felt his heart beating rapidly. I put my other hand on my heart. It was running so slowly and so weakly that I could barely feel any movement now. I became more certain of what to do with his heartbeat, which was quite different from mine.

Yes. He has to live. His heart is beating so fast, he can’t die. It’s me who would die. I’m the only one who needs to die

It was then. I finally gathered all my strength, and the hand that had been resting on his chest moved upward again, and I strangled him like the last time. And, without taking a breath, I lashed out at him.

‘Die. I couldn’t kill you that day, so I ended up here. So die! Only when you die can I be free. I want to get away from you. So it’s you, not me, who should die! It’s you!’

‘Huff, W-Wife, uuhk.’

Please let me be forgotten in your memory. May I disappear without a trace. By any chance, if you still think of me, I hope it’s just terrible memories. Please. Please.

My heart was beating slowly. My body was exhausted and I couldn’t breathe any more. It’s over. This is how my life ends.

At this moment, selfishly, I was happy to see him as I died.

‘…Wife…? Astell…?’

Even in the moment of fainting, I could hear Bleon calling me. It was so good that he called me wife. Those words that only he could call were so sweet and warm.

‘Astell…? Astell…!’

Feeling something strange, Bleon hugged me and cried. I wanted to say something to him, but I couldn’t do anything more.

This is what it feels like to die. It’s not so bad.

I love you. You were the only light in my tragic and miserable life. So now you too, seek your light. Goodbye. Goodbye Bleon.

My eyes closed And with that memory, the world finally ended, and I woke up from a long, long dream.

* * *As soon as I opened my eyes, even in my dazed mind, I instinctively placed my hand on my stomach. The belly, which had been swollen all the time, was deflated.

“Duchess?”

It was McCain’s voice. I turned to hear his voice. He looked at me with a pale face.

“My stomach… My stomach is weird.”

“Madam…”

“My stomach is not like this, I don’t think there is anything.”

“Calm down for now. I will call the doctor.”

“I can’t do this… This is too much.”

In this way, my life was completely different from my previous life. No. It was worse. In the worst world, I found my memory and lost it all.

“I can’t do this. Why is my life always like this? Aaaaaaahhhh!”

Feeling the deep despair, the extreme frustration, the insane helplessness, and the wretchedness that my sane mind couldn’t handle, I howled.

“Madam, calm down. Madam!”

“Uuhkk, no. I can’t do this! Aackk! No! I hate it all! Aaaaccckk!”

“Madam! Madam!”

When McCain and the butler caught me struggling, the doctor fed me something. Then, as the medicinal effect began to work, my body became drowsy and my mind became clouded.

“…Bleon.”

I miss you so much I can’t see you anymore. I will see you in my dreams.

* * *But contrary to my wishes, I haven’t been able to see him even in my dreams since then. So I lived without dying for about two months. Maybe my death date was set at that time, this useless body was more persistent than I thought. McCain stayed by my side and looked after me for two months.

Even when I didn’t want to eat, he forcibly put something in my mouth, and he constantly talked to me as I was trying to sleep, but I was bothered by everything. I wanted to die even one more day sooner.

But even so, I was holding on to this tough life because of a hope, just in case. Bleon and Philia’s bodies have not been found anywhere. Philia was a doctor. She was not just a healer, but a healer who used magic. If their bodies had not been found, the possibility that the two were still alive could not be ruled out. So, I was living every day without giving up on my expectations.

* * *Over the past two months, the Empire has cleared the ruins of a long war and has encouraged and rewarded its people who have lost their families. Bertan, who gathered small neighboring countries to preemptively attack Cavilos, disappeared from the map as a result of losing the war. Now that there was no country that could stand against the Empire, the heyday of Cavilos, a truly thousand-year empire, was about to begin again. I didn’t care at all what was going on outside the mansion. I just had to live with it day by day.

“Astell.”

After waking up, I somehow had the motivation to move my body, so I sat on the sofa and stared out the window incessantly. McCain came over to me with breakfast. He was now calling me by my name, neither Duchess nor Madam, when we were alone. I was too lifeless to point out that it was wrong for him to call me by my name, so I left it as it was. I’m going to die soon anyway. It didn’t matter what he called me.

“Please eat. Today’s breakfast is soup made with mushrooms, which you especially like, Astell.”

“…I have no appetite.”

I always had no appetite, so just because it was a day like today didn’t make me feel like I got my appetite back.

“Eat a little, still.”

He put the bowl on the table. A strong mushroom scent wafted through my nostrils.

“Sir, what month and what day is today?”

“It’s June 15th.”

“June…”

It’s been 3 years since I came here. I had no idea how I, who was originally Astell, came to see a novel in the world I used to live before and how I came back to this place. It must be some crazy god’s prank.

Finding the memory did nothing for me. It was only now that I realized why Astell’s habit was the same as mine, and why I kept dreaming of the future. It was as if my memories of living as Astell were buried in my subconscious and manifested as a dream piece by piece.

What’s the point of getting my memories back? Bleon wasn’t here and I was going to die soon.

“Astell. Eat quickly.”

I lifted the spoon without strength and scooped out the soup. If I didn’t eat, I would have to pretend to eat while constantly being watched and nagged.

“I’ll take care of myself, so go and work.”

“I will stay here until you are finished.”

“Sir…”

I sighed without hiding my discomfort.

“No. Today, I’ll stay with you until you’re done.”