It’s Not Night - Chapter 157

‘Born after devouring her mother. Such a shameless birth like her shameless face.’

Their eyes met. Andra looked at the boy who spoke as if he wanted her to hear. Dustin Airak. An individual who, recently, had become synonymous with turning her day into a complete mess whenever their paths crossed.

Andra clutched the necklace around her neck to stifle the rising sting in her nose. This was a new level of insult, but she couldn’t show her hurt. She couldn’t stand being bested by him, not with her pride at stake.

It was when Andra mustered the courage to step forward towards Dustin that the scene abruptly changed.

Suddenly, she was trembling in front of him because he had snatched her book and was holding it high out of her reach. With their significant height difference, Andra, even on tiptoes, couldn’t retrieve her book.

‘Why don’t you try taking it? If you’re so great, grabbing your book from me should be easy, right? Or is it that the Avelins are only good with their words?’

The boy taunted her and waved the book mockingly. Andra’s face turned bright red. Standing on tiptoes made her feel pitifully small. Her vision blurred with tears.

When she clenched her jaw to keep from crying, the backdrop and situation shifted once more.

Dustin, now a young man just entering adulthood, stood before Andra with a somber face.

‘Don’t mess with me. You mean nothing to me.’

He approached threateningly and bumped into her shoulder as he passed. The impact hurt. Tears threatened to spill, but Andra strained to hold them back. She couldn’t afford to shed tears in front of him.

The scene shifted again.

Recently, Andra had taken an interest in a Young Lord, and now Dustin was walking her way with him. For some reason, Andra hid behind a pillar and waited for them to pass.

‘Ugly, isn’t she? Looks like someone smashed her face against the ground.’

Dustin’s voice, demeaning her without a care, reached her ears. Andra couldn’t bring herself to leave her hiding spot behind the pillar. She was so furious she couldn’t bear it.

As she managed to stand up, the scene changed once more, and now she saw Dustin looking down at her as she lay on the ground. His cold gaze and the mocking curve of his lips.

‘Where did the usually smart and proud Miss Avelin go?’

Ah, that day.

Her breathing grew harsher. Andra was unable to bear it anymore and ran to the lakeside. And just like that day, she entered the lake and dug the bottom. The clear water turned muddy, her hands and body becoming increasingly filthy.

Yet, Andra couldn’t stop. She knew the significance of the necklace to her and couldn’t give it up. Finally, as the rain began to pour, Andra let herself cry.

No.

Don’t do this.

Why does it keep showing me this? Stop it. I was finally starting to feel okay about it. Why is this happening?

Andra sobbed uncontrollably. It was a terrible nightmare, the most horrifying and terrible nightmare. I hate it, I hate it! Stop showing it to me! Andra screamed, struggling as the scene began to shift again.

At that moment, she felt someone’s hand shaking her urgently.

Andra! Startled by the voice, Andra’s eyes snapped open. She was shocked by the first thing she saw. She pushed him away roughly.

Don’t touch me!

Dustin, the man who had woken her up, stepped back in confusion. Andra grabbed a random pillow and curled up, holding it tightly.

“Andra, I…”

“…”

Tears streamed down her face. Andra gazed blankly around the room and at Dustin, who was looking at her with concern.

Ah, right. It was just a nightmare. She buried her face in the pillow. It was ironic. The nightmare was caused by Dustin Airak, yet it was also Dustin Airak who woke her from it.
“…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Andra apologized to Dustin without lifting her head. She remembered how she had pushed him away roughly. He must have been startled. Waking someone from a nightmare only to receive a harsh rebuff.

But it couldn’t be helped. The Dustin in her nightmare and the one before her were the same person, after all.

Even though she knew getting angry at the present Dustin wouldn’t help, when reality and dreams blurred like this, her anger towards him surged unexpectedly. It wasn’t sudden. Andra had felt this way towards Dustin for a very long time.

Of course, now it was all in the past. Dustin had apologized and asked for her forgiveness. Andra hadn’t forgiven him yet, but she didn’t despise or hate him as much as before. She thought she could eventually accept him.

But now… she wasn’t so sure.

Her head was spinning. After being pushed into the well by Nera, it was hard for Andra to look at Dustin directly. It felt like the nightmare was still raging in her mind. Everything that started with Dustin Airak was unpleasant and filled with bad memories. The images of the man from the past and the man in the present overlapped.

As her tears stopped, Andra lifted her head and looked at Dustin. He was still lingering by her side, looking at her with a worried expression and not leaving. Perhaps he was concerned about her.

However, she didn’t feel entirely grateful. She thought he was just being cautious, knowing his own faults and trying to keep his distance.

No, that’s not it.

Suddenly, Andra shook her head. The familiar yet unfamiliar feeling of irritation towards Dustin felt strange. It was the attitude she had taken for granted until recently, so why had it changed? She clenched her fists. The gaze of the man still watching over her was annoying yet somehow felt right.

Currently, Andra hates Dustin Airak but also likes him.

His past actions were undeniably unforgivable. Yet, everything he was doing for her now seemed genuine and desperate. This conflict of emotions constantly clashed within her.

‘I decided to start anew, I said I won’t be tied down and would try harder…’

It felt like an endless cycle.

Should she have firmly pushed Dustin away from the beginning? Should she have steadfastly resisted and completely rejected his feelings? Then, perhaps she wouldn’t be feeling this paradoxical emotion. How can one feel both disdain and affection for the same person? Yearning for his attention and care, yet wanting to scorn and criticize him for past hurts.

What exactly is this emotion?

“I was too sensitive, I apologize again. I’m sorry.”

Andra managed to gather her emotions and barely spoke.

“…It’s not your fault, Andra.”

Dustin spoke from a shadowed place. Then gradually approached as Andra calmed down, stepping into the moonlight. Now, Andra could see his face more clearly.

He knelt and met her gaze. His green eyes were subtly trembling, but he pretended to be okay. Seeing him like that, Andra thought without realizing.

‘Despicable. You think acting like this will make me accept you?’

Andra was startled at herself with her own thoughts. It was happening again. Twisting Dustin’s sincerity. She had promised herself not to do this. Andra exhaled softly and averted her gaze, then nonchalantly asked.

“…Did you wake up because of me?”

It was the middle of the night, and the moonlight seeped through. True to Hezel’s magical nature, it wasn’t completely dark. Lights lit up the surroundings, but it was easily suggesting it was time to sleep.

Dustin shook his head to Andra’s question.

“No, you know I usually stay up late.”

“What were you doing?”

“Just… thinking about this and that.”

“I see.”
Andra spoke briefly and lowered her head. Dustin approached her more cautiously than before and gently touched her tear-stained cheek. Andra flinched slightly but didn’t reject Dustin’s touch. His large thumb slowly wiped away the wetness from her eyes. His gesture was so gentle it left Andra silent for a moment.

Yes, the present Dustin was showing his love for her through every gesture. There was no lie in his actions. Hadn’t he, in the past, willingly cast aside his pride for her and laid himself on the ground? Even now, if Andra asked him to get down on all fours, he would do so without a moment’s hesitation.

Andra knew Dustin well enough to be certain.

That was also why she couldn’t simply hate him.

“Did you….have a nightmare?”

“Something like that.”

“…I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep again.”

Andra didn’t respond but looked up at Dustin. He was clearly tense. But perhaps due to Andra not answering, he added hastily.

“If you don’t want to, I’ll leave. I just want what you want,”

“Shall we do it?”

“…”

When Andra firmly held onto his hand that was on her cheek, preventing him from pulling away, Dustin gulped hard. His stiff face revealed his surprise.

Indeed, it was a sudden suggestion to sleep together. Especially since Andra had been somewhat distant and cold since she woke up.

Truthfully, Andra wanted to test something. Whether they still mattered to each other. If she could change these conflicting emotions she harbored. …Or at least forget the negative feelings for a moment.

“Don’t want to?”

As Andra asked again, Dustin buried his face in her neck with his face slightly reddened.

“…How could I not?”

What else could you mean to me?