I Grabbed the Tyrant’s Heart - Chapter 167

I removed my hand and stopped Tess before he could mention marriage again. I had to offer an alternative since I couldn’t just ask him to wait indefinitely.

He seemed intrigued by the idea.

“If we marry, it’ll be difficult for both of us to leave the palace simultaneously, and we’ll be under pressure about an heir.”

“The heir…”

Tess was aware of the challenges faced by the previous Emperor in having children late.

“And if we have a child, you won’t be able to do your, your favorite things. You know that, right?”

“Ah.”

His usually curved eyes straightened. He seemed to be genuinely contemplating this without asking what ‘those things’ were.

“You also can’t do it for a while after giving birth. It’s not just that. You know it takes time to care for a baby. Breastfeeding, playing with them…”

“That can be left to a nanny. Euseniel, you just need to be with me.”

Wait, didn’t you want a child? That’s why you weren’t using birth control?

“Let’s get married first. We can think about children later.”

I know Tess is brimming with knowledge, but it’s still surprising at times. It’s more believable when he’s performing advanced magic than when he’s talking about common-sense things.

“I’ll take care of the birth control. That’ll solve it.”

“You don’t want….. an heir, a child?”

“I thought Euseniel would marry me if you got pregnant.”

Wait, what?

“Euseniel was always trying to escape. I thought if you got pregnant, you’d stay.”

“Did you tamper with my birth control pills?”

Uncharacteristically, Tess turned his head away to avoid my gaze.

“Tessvalun!”

I grabbed his face tightly to make him look at me. He cast his eyes down, seeming to know he had done wrong.

“Was me taking birth control pills all for nothing?”

Tess remained silent.

Oh, what do I do with this common-sense defying man. Does he even have a conscience?

“Since we’re on the subject, did you intercept my letters too? The ones from Ethyl.”

“…”

“You shouldn’t do that, Tess.”

“I didn’t like the idea of the Bonart eldest exchanging letters with you. I was afraid you might rely on him and eventually grow fond of him.”

Finally, I got an answer.

From beneath the hood, his black eyes were trembling.

“Why didn’t you leave me letters instead of intercepting them?”

“After making that contract, I wasn’t in my right mind for several years. You were always in my heart, but I feared I might forcibly take you away…”

Tess sighed weakly.

“That’s why I couldn’t go see you. I hadn’t fully taken control of the palace yet. And I couldn’t contact you, fearing that contacting you might put you in harm’s way.”

Was Tess only twelve when he killed Duke Lantia?

“And in the meantime, Bonart’s eldest contacts you, that’s unfair. I can’t let Euseniel like that guy, can I?”

Tess, who has been through so much since his childhood, now reminds me of the day he pushed Ethyl at Hardland. His body has grown, but it seems his age hasn’t.

After his contract with the devil was discovered, Tess often showed his more younger side.

Yet, the fact that he never blamed me for the numerous things he did because of me already made him mature enough.

“Okay, let’s say that’s the case. But why did you hide Nus’s letters?”

“Because Nus Xuen also showed interest in you.”

“I have no interest in him. He’s just Aurin’s brother.”

Tess seemed unconvinced.

“Anyway, don’t do that again, Tess.”

“…okay.”

“Not just the letters. You can’t stop people trying to send or communicate to me.”

Tess took a deep breath and didn’t respond immediately.

“Tess?”

“…alright.”

“And about the birth control pills? What were you planning to do? Did you know I was taking them? Where did you put them?”

It seemed Tess regretted this topic. He probably wished he hadn’t mentioned it, as I wouldn’t have known. It felt as if I was picking at a scab.

“Tell me honestly, Tessvalun.”

Tess sighed deeply when I firmly held his hand.

“I had to keep Euseniel by my side somehow.”

Tess, who had been so excited in front of the maze, now seemed deflated.

“Euseniel always pushed me away, even though you knew I wanted to hold on to you. Euseniel knew I wouldn’t use birth control if you asked me to.”

“…”

“So I silently took the pills.”

Tess has a way of making me feel guilty for things I haven’t done wrong. His disappointed and sad demeanor made me feel like a great sinner, even though we were not even engaged.

“Are you trying to say that’s wrong, Tess?”

At my question, Tess flinched and shook his head.

“I’m not blaming you, Euseniel. I didn’t mean to say it like that, ah, Euseniel, I’m sorry.”

Tess hastily grabbed my hand. The pity feeling for his trembling was not a good one.

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